As most of you know, Elizabeth Edwards passed away. She was diagnosed soon after I was, the first time. I didn't give it much thought then. I didn't give it much thought when her cancer spread to her bones, until I found out that my cancer had spread to my bones a few months later. I remember telling a friend about my metastasis and she said, "Just like Elizabeth Edwards". From that moment on, I knew that I would always compare my condition to hers. When Oprah interviewed her last year, she said, "I just want 10 more years". I hoped she'd have a lot more. And I knew that if she didn't, it would scare me. Unfortunately, I was right. Her death was hard for me, as it was for a lot of people. But knowing that our tumors where in the same spots and had been for about the same amount of time, made me realize even more than I already do, how unpredictable cancer is. And how grateful I am to be 40.

When I was a young girl and would think about the future, about my 40's, I never in a million years pictured myself single, childless and having cancer. And now, 40 seconds don't go by without cancer being in my thoughts. In fact, I can't even remember what it was like not having cancer; to not think about cancer all day, every day. To not think about mortality or wonder how long I have to live. It's with me all the time. All day, every day. When I wake up, cancer. When I shower, cancer. When I eat, exercise, watch TV, read, drive; cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer. Even when I sleep, I dream about cancer. But I am not alone. Today is World Cancer Day and there are 28 million of us living with cancer. My cousin Tom is once again selflessly joining the Livestrong team and will ride his bike across the state of Iowa this July to raise money for all of us who have cancer. All 28 million of us who will never again know what it's like not to worry about cancer. Please go to SUPPORT LIVESTRONG  to support him on this grueling journey. How grateful I am to have people like Tom who care about all 28 million of us.

On Sunday I will be going to Texas, as I do every three months, to be scanned. And no matter what the scans show, I will be grateful that I am still alive.

Love,

Jen

"The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful." -Elizabeth Edwards