Six years ago today was the worst day of my life. I was walking down Michigan Ave. after a great lunch with two very special people when my phone rang. I ducked into the 7-11 I was in front of and was told I had cancer. I have never been more shocked in my entire life! Only in my worst nightmares did I think that I would get cancer. But never at the age of 32, especially since there was no history of any cancer in my large immediate or extended family. You know that game where you say the worst day and best day of your life? Well, I've had a few worst days, (such as 2-26-03, the day my dad died, and the day I found out about my metastasis) but I could never come up with my best day. I was hoping yesterday was going to be it. But no such luck. Thankfully though, it wasn't another worst day.

I met with my transplant doctor truly expecting to hear that I was in remission. I quickly learned that it isn't that simple. There is no black and white with bone mets. Luckily, my cancer has not spread or grown, but it may not have disappeared either. With bone mets, there is a definite gray area. When the bone has a tumor on it, even if it is eradicated, it leaves a 'scar' on the bone where it once was. That scar is hard to read on any scan. It is hard to tell if it is a tumor or a scar from the tumor. So as of now, there still are spots on the many sites on my bones where there were tumors. Are there still tumors there or are they scars? My doctor told me that it is a little too early to tell. I am, of course, hoping for the best.

Another good sign is that another test showed that the tumors did not seem to be 'active'. I will have more tests done in May to see if there are any more changes then. All in all, this is just one big waiting game. I look at it as a choice. I can either see the glass as half empty or as half full. As disappointed as I was yesterday, even though my doctor was very happy with the results, today I have CHOSEN to be optimistic and look at the glass as half full. There are so many people out there recieving horrific news. How can I be ungrateful to hear that my tumors have not grown or spread?!? I am still alive after six years of recieving a diagnosis of cancer at a fairly young age. And unfortunately, some wonderful people that I've known are not. Such as Ann Broccolo, Jane McCarthy Goodwin, Jim Burns, Liza Marcus, Allison Coleman, and Sara Western Garavaglia. There are also some people fighting harder than I am. Sammy Cipolla and Chris Coulon are two of the strongest, most determined fighters I know. I look to them for strength. And am humbled by their courage.

Please say a few extra prayers for Chris as he is back in the hospital fighting Graft vs. Host disease in many organs and for Sammy as she is recovering yet another surgery and recent diagnosis of a cancerous node after both of their transplants. Also for Mardi Woodward who is recovering from another operation.

I would just like to reiterate how truly grateful I am to be alive. To have the family and friends that surround me, love me and care for me. And to have a vast number of people who donated, called, emailed, sent cards, and prayed for me. It is because of each and every one of you that I am able to be here six years later. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With much love,

Jennifer